A summit register on a mountain is used by hikers and climbers to record their ascents – typically their name, the date and time, and perhaps some notes about the weather, the route, and that wonderful feeling of standing on the summit of something big. Here, it’s the name for my newsletter and blog about coaching and life. Enjoy!

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Have I told you how much I love my Optimize Mastermind group? We’ve been together since April of 2020 – they were the original cohort of the Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self program. When the program finished, they didn’t want it to end, so we created a Mastermind group that continues today.

Last night, one of our group put together a game night. We had to track down a random collection of supplies in advance, as many as we could, and then she had us attempt various challenges. Things like trying to pick up a ping pong ball with your elbows and bounce it into a cup. Or, with only your feet touching the ground, lean over and pick a cup off the ground using your mouth. Or, wearing an empty tissue box like a fanny pack on your back, with ping pong balls inside, and then dancing and gyrating to try to bounce the ping pong balls out – these are all harder than they sound, lol!

We laughed so hard! The best thing is that we know each other so well, and trust each other so much, that we could all let loose and be goofy. We did all agree that the memories we created are just fine living only in our heads, and didn’t need to be recorded. So I have no actual photos of the event for you, other than this selfie of me and my supplies – you’ll just have to imagine the rest for yourselves. 🙂

This post has become a favorite of my readers – so here it is, updated for 2021. Plus, the next cohort of the Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self group program is starting on Feb 17, 2021. And details about a talk I gave on Feb 1st, 2021, and how to access the recording.

(Cartoonist unknown)

***********

This cartoon brings up so many profound truths for me: It’s up to us. Start small. Little things matter. Don’t give up. Expectations are everything. Be the change we want to see in the world. It’s always worth nurturing or creating something. Focus on the positive. And on and on.

Of course, it’s not always that easy to just plant flowers (literally or metaphorically). It’s very easy to get paralyzed by thinking that whatever we do it won’t be enough. I know I get caught up in that. I’m only one person, what can I do? Does it really matter? It reminds me of the story about a storm that has stranded thousands of starfish on the beach. There is a child walking along, picking up the starfish, and throwing them back into the sea, knowing they won’t otherwise survive. An adult walking by says, “There’s so many, you’ll hardly make a difference.” The child pauses for a minute, and then says, “But I’ll make a difference to this one.” In some versions of the story, after hearing the child’s response, the adult also starts throwing starfish back into the sea. Other adults start helping, and eventually they are all saved. Such a powerful illustration of how any of us can lead by example – we don’t need a title – we just need to do the right thing.

This cartoon reminds me how important it is to do whatever we can to make the world a better place, whether that is planting flowers, or saving starfish, or truly listening to someone with a different political perspective – or inspiring other people do those things. And it reminds me that no act of kindness or creation, or growth or nurturing, is ever too small for those that receive it.

2020 was a rough year, there’s no denying it. And while we made it to 2021, we were immediately confronted with an insurrection at the Capitol just a few days into the new year. Two weeks later, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were sworn in as the country’s new President and Vice President, despite concerns of further violence. The COVID pandemic continues, and I think it’s safe to say all of us are yearning for the day when we can freely hug our friends again, and see people’s smiles. All of the challenges we were facing in 2020, both individually and as a nation, are still with us in 2021 – and there are undoubtedly more to come.

What can we do? Believe that our future will be better, and that we can help make it so. And work to show up as our best selves as frequently as we can. Here’s to planting flowers wherever we are, so that we shape the world around us into what we most want it to be – or at least know that we did what we could to increase the odds.

One of the brightest spots in my 2020 was the amazing synergy created in my inaugural Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self group coaching program. We shared laughter and tears, made big changes and tiny ones, all leading to this intrepid group showing up more frequently as their best selves. No one wanted it to end, so we started a Mastermind that continues today.

I’m excited to be offering the Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self program to a second cohort, starting on Feb 17th. If you’d like to see if it will be the right fit for you, let’s talk. This group is not for everyone, and that’s just as it should be. You can read about the program, including reflections from the original members (half of whom will be joining us again for cohort 2), and more here.

     “It was immensely beneficial.” – Dennis, Optimize Your Life Cohort 1

While we’ll never be able to show up as our best selves all of the time, by optimizing our work, energy, and relationships we vastly increase the odds that we will – and that definitely helps to make the world a better place! Not only for 2021, but beyond. Looking forward to seeing what we can plant together. And excited to Optimize with you! Also, if you’re old enough (50+), you can access the recording of my talk on “Why You Have More Control Than You Think” by joining the Bloom community and going to past sessions in the Forum.

I’d like to share a story with you that is related to my summer work in the office of Exum Mountain Guides. It’s not about me, but about the guide service as a whole, and in particular, about Nat, one of the owners and the president of the company. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, Exum Mountain Guides is one of the longest-running guide services in the country, and has been the official Grand Teton National Park climbing concessionaire since 1929.

The story started last summer, when the area in which we run our climbing schools was closed due to the potential of serious rockfall. It’s called Hidden Falls, because it’s next to a waterfall by that name, on the other side of Jenny Lake. In early November, the rock did fall on its own, and we were excited because that meant the park might let us start guiding in the area this summer.

However, the park bureaucracy moves very, very slowly. A proposal to use a new climbing area that Nat wrote and submitted last summer took almost an entire year to reach the superintendent’s desk and get approved. So even though the immediate danger was gone, there was no guarantee that we would get access anytime soon.

Once the snow melted in the spring and Nat could get over to survey the area, he was back at work creating yet another proposal. Given the time frame of the last one, it seemed highly unlikely that it would get approved in time for us to climb there this summer, but he had to try. And writing proposals is not a part of the job he enjoys – he’s first and foremost a guide, after all, even if he is now an owner.

After submitting it, Nat went from being certain that we wouldn’t get access to Hidden Falls this summer, to thinking it was 50/50 odds, to being cautiously hopeful – and back again, multiple times. The climbing rangers were fully in favor of the park reopening the area to us, arguing that if anyone was a good judge of safety, it was the Exum guides. After all, we had alerted the park to the danger in the first place! Our park concession representative also knew how important it was for us to return to the area, and was doing what he could. But as Nat put it, you’ve got geologic time and bureaucratic time, and in his experience, bureaucratic time is actually the slower of the two.

Amazingly, the park moved faster than either geologic or bureaucratic time, and after a request for even more information (which mean Nat had to write an additional proposal) – they said yes! We could use Hidden Falls! We were elated. Work still needed to be done to get a useable trail, but we’d cleared the biggest hurdle – getting permission from the bureaucrats. Or, so we thought.

After several days of hard work rerouting the trail so that it stayed clear of the debris field from the rockfall, Nat came back extremely discouraged. He had concluded that we could not safely access the climbing routes, either by our old trail, or the “new” trail they had been trying to clean up (which was actually an historic trail that had fallen out of use). There were still a few large rocks perched up high that threatened the new trail, and it involved some fairly steep, exposed slabs that were fine for guides but not for the average client. We couldn’t access the climbing area from above, because of the waterfall and the rushing creek. Nor could we reach it from the south side, unless we created an entirely new trail through the bushes, and that would require a whole new proposal and a trip back through the park bureaucracy.

Nat’s discouragement was palpable – he’d worked so hard on the proposals, had gotten permission in an impossibly short time frame, and we had thought it would be just a simple matter of clearing up a trail. Except it wasn’t. As Nat said, “It’s like Hidden Falls is an island – we can’t get to it. It’s surrounded by water, rockfall, and bureaucrats!”

And all of this was happening right as we were gearing up to start the season. The guides were returning, he was running our annual Guides’ Day meeting, our Guides’ Training, getting the gear ready, and taking care of one hundred other things that still needed to be done. He didn’t give up, though. He went to talk to the head climbing ranger, and the next day they went over to assess the situation. Nat hoped that Scott might be in a position to help him see or create some other alternatives.

And he was. Scott was able to give permission to create a hand line on the steep slabs that would make it accessible to clients, and use the rangers’ tools to remove the threatening rock that was still perched above. It still took almost another week to make all these things happen, but in the end, Nat succeeded in getting Hidden Falls reopened to us for climbing by the first week of July.

I find this story inspiring – and relevant to this coaching newsletter – because of all the places along the way where Nat either had to put his energy into things he didn’t particularly like doing (namely, writing proposals), and because of all the times when the likelihood of success (for getting access this summer, or maybe ever) seemed incredibly slim. Hopeless, even. But Nat didn’t give up. He continued to do what was within his control, and kept moving forward. It’s very much like when clients come to me feeling hopeless about finding a job that they enjoy. But when I can help them switch that mindset to one of moving forward, one step at a time, and not giving up even when it seems that nothing is going their way – it’s amazing the options that appear, and the job opportunities that come up for them.

This situation is also a reminder of how even seemingly massive change only happens as a result of tiny actions compounding over time. That rock had been there for decades, perfectly solid, except for a hairline crack running across it. But over the years, as small amounts of water kept freezing and melting, freezing and melting, eventually this rock the size of a house came crashing down. So even when we think we’re not seeing any results, we may need to just keep doing what we’re doing until we get to the tipping – or in this case, cracking – point.

And ultimately, Nat’s success at getting access to Hidden Falls was all about the relationships that he, and Exum as a whole, had built over time. If it hadn’t been for our long record of providing life-changing experiences to our clients, the rangers pushing for us to get access, or our park concession representative knowing how much it mattered, bureaucratic permission would easily have taken months to years. And were it not for the good relationship we have with the climbing rangers (Exum guides are frequently first on scene when there are mishaps in the mountains, and often help out on rescues), the trail obstacle may also have proven to be insurmountable. Just like with my clients when they are job searching, it so often ends up being the relationships that they already had, or reached out to create, that lead them to what they were seeking.

Of course, the truth is, you never know how things will turn out, no matter what you do. But when we just keep chipping away at the things that are in our control, and don’t give up, then magic often happens. And when it doesn’t, at least we can know that we’ve done everything we could, and just trust that the universe had different plans for us than the ones we had for ourselves. The same goes for Nat – had he not succeeded in getting access to Hidden Falls this summer, he would have at least known he had done everything possible. But he didn’t give up, he kept moving forward, and it paid off!

We recently celebrated Mother’s Day, and I want to share a story with you about one of my clients who has totally inspired me.

But first, let me paint you a picture. Do you know someone like this? She’s a mom, who adores her kid (or kids) and wants only the best for them. She’s a working mom, too – with a busy, challenging full-time job. She’s so busy working and taking care of her family that there’s literally no time left for her, and she’s feeling it. She’s started to not care as much about work, and for someone who has the high standards she does, this is a scary place to be. She’s a competent, capable person but recently she’s wondering if she can even call herself that any more. She’s feeling like she’s falling short at home, too – she’s not fixing healthy meals, or exercising, or being present the way she wants with the people she cares about.

At the end of last year, Dawn came to me feeling much like this. She felt like a failure in so many areas of her life, and could only see the ways in which she felt she was falling short. And it was impacting her life – her confidence, her relationships, her health, her state of mind. A part of her was hopeful – she did, after all, reach out to me after a recommendation from her brother – but another part of her felt like she was never going to find her way out of it.

After three sessions over two months, she had a big shift, especially in her confidence. She started asking for what she needed, taking time for herself, and most importantly – believing in herself again. Here’s what she had to say:

“I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you for helping me get myself back on track through the coaching sessions. At first, I wasn’t even sure what I needed to fix – I came with ideas of needing to eat better, ski more, spend more time with my family, and potentially find a new job. You helped me whittle it down to some attackable pieces so I could find some success and keep moving forward.

First, your challenge for me to take an entire 8-5 day to myself to ski was sooo much what I needed. Spending that day to myself energized me and reminded me what’s important – getting outside and playing in the mountains.

Next, you helped me figure out how to decide to return to my job next year or give my resignation by pushing me to value myself instead of just go with the status quo of “work is work and it stinks but we all have to do it.” I outlined 3 specific “asks” for my employer if they wanted to keep me.

Then you helped me recognize that I had value. It sounds simple, but you repetitively gave me feedback in the form of questioning me, “Why aren’t you worth that?” It grew roots enough for me to start believing and perhaps remembering that I should in fact prioritize myself, as this is my life and nobody else is going to do it for me. I’m feeling better now about my choice to quit my job and brave the wilderness of the unknown job search while knowing that I deserve a job where I’m valued and supported and able to grow. Also, by the way, my current job is trying to find a way to keep me and get me to rescind my resignation…so we’ll see what they come up with.

Thank you for your time. I will keep you updated with what happens with the job search. We just spent a week in the mountains skiing for spring break and have 2 more weekends booked already!”

Dawn and her family

I am so proud of Dawn and the shifts that she made in her perspective – especially about recognizing her own value and worth. I could see that she is a rock star from a mile away (and you probably can, too!), but often we struggle to find that perspective for ourselves.

Helping people shift from focusing on all the things that are going “wrong” – at work, at home, in their head – into noticing the things that are going “right” is immensely satisfying to me, and gives me more joy than you could possibly know. That’s why I do what I do!

And since we’re talking about Mother’s Day, I have to give a shout out to my own mother, who also inspires me on a regular basis. She’s retired now, and taking full advantage. She skied 44 days this season, with her ski club buddies (all men, because there are very few women who ski fast enough for her). In fact, my mom skis faster than anyone in the group – they’ve gotten apps that track their speed and my mom has skied 55.3 mph! Plus she’s president of her Kappa Alpha Theta alumnae chapter, organized all the ski trips for the Ski Club, danced in my sister Kristin’s formation team and competed in the World Country Western Ballroom Dance Championships, taught my niece how to swim, and went to Machu Picchu. She is a wonderful role model of how important it is to seize the day, and say “Yes!” to all the opportunities that come your way – or create them.  She is never bored! More than anything else, she loves being with her family. And thanks to her, we love being around each other as well. It’s a huge gift she’s given us. And several decades from now, I’m sure that Dawn’s daughter is going to be saying similar things about her!

My mom with some of her ski buddies

If you know someone who needs help focusing on what is going right in their world, and really wants to feel confident and positive, I would be honored if you would share this with them so that we can connect for a complimentary Make a Leap session. While I can’t promise that this happens for all of my clients as quickly as it happened for Dawn – and for Dawn, like all of us, there are the inevitable ups and downs – I have discovered that when you want things to change badly enough, it’s usually only a matter of time (and the right guidance) before you get there.

Here’s to seeing ourselves as the rock stars that we are! And especially all the working moms out there!

Happy May 4^th! Did you know that California just declared May 4^th as Star Wars Day?

In honor of the force that is in all of us to want to be the best versions of ourselves, and that might at this very moment (well hopefully not this very moment, since it’s a Saturday), be waging battle against toxic work environments, uncaring managers, and boring, underappreciated jobs, I’m going to give my webinar on “How to Know If It Is Time to Leave Your Job” one more time!

Join me on Thu, May 9, from 6-7pm PT (9-10pm ET, for you night owls) to get:

*The importance of having a vision
*Clarity on what matters to you
*Inspiration to look for alignment
*Ways to craft your job
*Steps to move forward

It’s free! Not to be dramatic (even though it is Star Wars Day), but I don’t plan to give this webinar again until next Spring – so if you’re wondering about whether or not it’s time to leave your job, please don’t miss it.

I was just chatting with someone who attended this webinar at the end of April, and she said it had finally given her the push she needed to get going on her job search.

But back to Star Wars Day – it’s in honor of a new theme park that Disneyland is opening next month about the colossal movie franchise, called Star Wars: The Galaxy’s Edge. The Assemblyperson who introduced the resolution, Tom Daly, said that he also wanted to recognize “the Walt Disney Company’s ‘decades-long record of enhancing the quality of life for people in California and beyond.’” And yes, Anaheim is in his district!

There were storm troopers at the Capitol on Saturday, along with a giant Yoda hot air balloon – you can read an article and see a video about it by clicking here.

Enjoy! And I hope to see you on May 9^th!

Please feel free to share with friends or colleagues who have been asking themselves whether they should stay or go!

If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you know that I had to put my beloved poodle, Tucker, to sleep this summer. We’d been together for 14 years, and as you can imagine, I miss him dearly.

The big question is, when am I going to get a new dog? Well, I almost got a puppy a couple of months ago – but then I didn’t.

Yes, that’s her in the coffee mug at about 2 weeks old. I know, you’re probably thinking – why on earth would I not keep that adorable puppy?!?

Ultimately, the answer came down to trusting myself. Doesn’t it always?

I first met the puppy when my housemate fostered her for a weekend – and I didn’t give her a second glance. To be honest, when they’re really little, neither kittens or puppies are at their cutest – they look remarkably like rats. And, Suna bottle feeds so many little ones for her rescue organization that I tend to not pay them much attention.

Two days later, I happened to be home when Suna was returning the puppy to Andrea (Andrea fosters all the puppies for the rescue, but had been out of town so Suna was helping out). Again, I didn’t give her a second look. That is, until Andrea started saying that they thought she might be a Shih-Tzu puppy. Then my ears perked up! I need to have a small dog, and my family even used to have a Shih-Tzu. Not to mention that Suna and Andrea were both in love with her, saying she was an incredibly sweet dog.

Later that evening, I asked Suna what she thought about me keeping the puppy, and she was very excited about the idea. So I called Andrea to ask if the puppy was spoken for, and she said no – she could be mine!

I convinced Andrea to let Suna and me take care of the puppy for a few days. Suna did the bottle feeding for the first couple of nights, and on the third night I took over. I was a little afraid to bottle feed her, but the puppy and I survived, although I hardly got anything done while she was here. I was thinking about where she would sleep, and how I would rearrange my schedule to take care of her, and looking up puppy training websites.

But all this time, I was feeling uneasy. I had this gnawing feeling that the puppy wasn’t the right dog for me, even though so many things seemed perfect. I’d know almost her entire life history, my housemate was totally on board, and I’d just recently told Tucker I was ready for him to send me another dog.

However, it was feeling a lot like the decision I’d made a month earlier between buying the white Prius or the green Prius, before I’d gotten clear that I didn’t want the white Prius.

What was making me question this decision?

Well first of all, she was a puppy. Which means a ton of work. I have never housebroken a puppy (Tucker came to me at 5 ½ months, already housebroken and knowing a few commands).

And, she had a dark colored “mask” around her eyes, which made them hard to see. I realized that I loved being able to see Tucker’s eyes, which stood out against his apricot coloring. I didn’t want to admit that I felt that way, because it was so shallow, but – there it was! I had to admit it, because it was true for me.

But most of all, I wanted to feel about my next dog the way that I felt about Tucker – and the way I felt about the green Prius. Excited to start this new adventure! Not uneasy!

When I got Tucker, I had been searching for a dog for about a month. I looked at the local humane society’s website one afternoon, and saw that there was a miniature poodle listed – no picture, but that was enough for me to call and put down my $10 deposit to have first dibs on him.

Later that evening, they put up a picture of Tucker, and I literally couldn’t sleep that night. I was so sure – I don’t know how, but I just was – that I was going to meet my dog the next morning. And, I did! Without a doubt, he was meant to be my dog. I took him home, marveling at how adorable he was. Throughout our whole 14 years, even when he was doing really annoying things like howling or rolling in poop, I never stopped feeling that way. And it bothered me that I hadn’t felt that way about this puppy.

Maybe it’s a lot to ask, but I want to be all in with my next dog. I want to know on that deep-down level, the same way I did with Tucker, that this is my dog. And the reality is, I didn’t feel that way about this puppy.

So, I told Andrea that I wouldn’t take the puppy after all, and she should find her another home. Which, she has – a friend of the rescue is going to adopt her, and it looks like it will be a perfect situation.

I think the key learning for me is that I let myself get swayed by what other people thought – in this case, the fact that both Suna and Andrea were in love with the puppy. And they weren’t wrong to be in love with the puppy! She’s adorable! But I was letting myself get swept along by other people’s enthusiasm, just as I had with the white Prius. I let their excitement cloud what I truly felt. And then, I spent a lot of time and energy trying to convince myself that what I felt wasn’t actually true.

Unlike when I was buying my car, there was no perfect dog waiting around the corner. I still haven’t met my next dog yet, so by passing on this puppy I’m probably not likely to get a dog until next year, given my travel schedule. And sometimes, you have to say no to a really good thing, because it’s just not right. Even if you don’t know when – or if – you’ll find the right thing.

This made me think of some of my coaching clients, who find themselves in jobs that aren’t so bad, but aren’t quite right, either. Walking away from those, especially when they don’t know what they’re heading for, can be very scary. For some of my clients, taking that leap of trust – “I’m going to leave this job so that I can find my way to one that is right for me, even though I don’t know what it is!” – is what they feel called to do. And I admire their bravery! Not everyone can – or should – do that. But sometimes, that’s what opens up the space for new possibilities to show up.

So, I’m going to trust that listening to my gut and not adopting this puppy is going to ultimately open up the space for Tucker to send me the perfect dog. Just like I trust that when my clients are brave enough to take that leap, things will open up for them that they couldn’t have even imagined. And in the meantime, I’ll enjoy the perks that come with not being a dog owner, like not having to rush home to let the dog out!

I’ve been to visit the puppy a couple of times since, just to see how big she’s getting. I’m happy to report that she is still ridiculously adorable, although she’s looking much more like a terrier these days than a Shih-Tzu. Despite her cuteness, my visits have confirmed that I made the right call. No regrets!

When I was driving back from the Tetons this summer, my car was totaled by a truck’s automatic chain that was lying in the middle of the road. Fortunately, there was no accident and no one was hurt, but the damage to the underside of my car was enough that my insurance company wasn’t going to fix it. The whole process of buying a replacement car inspired this post, as it gave me plenty of opportunities to think about the delicate balance between making rational decisions, and trusting my intuition.

I knew I wanted another used Prius, so that’s where I began my search. I narrowed it down to two cars – a white Prius with very low mileage, although it didn’t have all the bells and whistles and cost a little more than I ideally wanted to spend. And the second was also a Prius, in a lovely shade of green (silver pine mica green, to be exact). It had twice the mileage of the white Prius, but had more bells and whistles and was within my ideal budget.

However, I had looked at the white Prius first, and since it was such a good deal, and the owner had even dropped the asking price for me, I put a deposit on it. But that night, I could hardly sleep. I felt really stressed – torn between feeling that I should want it, yet not feeling at all excited about it. But I kept trying to convince myself that I should buy it. It had such low mileage!

The next morning I woke up knowing that I couldn’t buy the white Prius without looking at the green Prius. So I went to take the green Prius for a test drive, and I knew immediately that it was the car for me. I could hardly wait to take it home! All I needed was my mechanic’s okay. Unfortunately, while I was trying to get clear about what I wanted, the owner of the white Prius had gotten his car smogged and ready to sell, assuming I’d be picking it up that day. He was not pleased when I called to tell him to keep my deposit.

Looking back on it, I think I knew early on that the white Prius wasn’t the car I wanted. I let myself get swayed by all the things it offered that rationally made it a very good purchase – low mileage, well taken care of, and no other red flags. I wasn’t admitting to myself that I had fallen in love with the color of the green Prius, and was excited about the bells and whistles.

And, I was trying to deny the obvious signals that my gut was sending me about buying the white Prius – my lack of enthusiasm, my stress after putting the deposit down, even a feeling of dread – I was trying to push all those feelings down, trying to be rational. I’m sure the owner of the white Prius would have appreciated it if I had listened to those signals sooner, and I would have saved myself a lot of stress – and my deposit.

There’s plenty of research, however, that shows that our “intuition” is often wrong, and leads us to make erroneous decisions. It is also notorious for perpetuating our subconscious and unconscious biases. So I’m not advocating that we only make decisions based on our gut – it can lead us astray. But completely rational decision-making isn’t always the answer, either.

Say you’re trying to decide whether to stay in your current job, or find a new one that suits you better. By all means make a list of the pros and cons of staying and leaving, do the research into what other jobs are out there, and figure out the costs (both financial and otherwise) of remaining where you are versus taking a risk on something new. But at the end of the day, you may not get all the data to make a completely rational decision, and at some point you’ll want to tap into that gut feeling to help you decide.

I love this advice from Mel Robbins – if it feels light, go for it! If it feels heavy, then don’t! That’s a quick way to check your gut and see how a decision feels. And that’s what I was ultimately listening to when I decided which car to buy. I went with the decision that felt light, that felt exciting. And I’m so glad I did! It makes me happy every time I drive somewhere in my silver pine mica green Prius. And hopefully the white Prius has found a new owner that loves it just as much as I love my green one.

If you’re interested in reading more about the subject of when to trust your gut (and when not to), here are links to two articles from the Harvard Business Review that look at both sides of the argument:

When to Trust Your Gut, by Alden Hayashi

Don’t Trust Your Gut, by Eric Bonabeau