Work/Calling - Coaching Heights

Worst Reunion Ever

Dec

2021

kgeil

Five years ago, when I went to my last college reunion, I had an imposter-syndrome induced meltdown. I was surrounded by classmates who were doing such amazing things with their lives: US Senator Cory Booker, Congressman Ted Lieu, California Supreme Court Justice Goodwin Liu, doctors saving lives (too many to mention, but including both my freshman roommates, Marlene and Liz), Olympic athletes, high tech geniuses, CEOs, CFOs, inventors, entrepreneurs. You name it, there was someone in my class who could claim that title. And they all seemed to have gorgeous families, big houses, fancy cars, and generous salaries – none of which I did. Never mind that I didn’t actually want most of those things. For some reason, that reunion really triggered me.

I was attending reunion activities at night, and during the day participating in a workshop for coaches and holistic practitioners building their businesses. At the workshop we were talking about how to position ourselves in a way that would let people know about our expertise, and I stood up and said I didn’t see what I’d done in my life that was relevant to positioning, and then burst into tears. The leader of the workshop said, “Didn’t you do your undergrad at Stanford? And didn’t you earn your PhD? How can you think those don’t count? And that’s just for starters!” By the end of the weekend they had convinced me that my PhD was something to be proud of, and worth sharing with people.

But back at the reunion, I still cringed every time I chatted with a classmate I hadn’t seen in a while and the first question was almost always related to what I was doing for work. Don’t get me wrong! I loved what I was doing for work: building my coaching business, working in the Exum Mountain Guides office and at Sac State’s College of Continuing Education. Everything I did was so hard to explain, though, and didn’t seem to fit into the “Stanford path” that I thought everyone else was on – but me.

Fast forward to October of 2021. Despite the painfulness of the reunion five years earlier, I was ready to go back. I wanted to see my good friends, be on campus again, and reconnect with people after COVID. It was an entirely different experience. Not only were we five years older, but we’d all lived through, and are still living through, the first pandemic any of us have ever experienced. It’s made many people question their priorities (those who are privileged enough to not be in survival mode) and that was evident with every conversation I had.

Instead of starting out with some version of, “What do you do?” people asked where you were living, or where you’d lived when you were at Stanford (the best way to help our middle-aged brains remember where we might know someone from). And then people wanted to know, “How are you? How is your family?” They really wanted to know; it wasn’t a superficial starter question.

Once you’d talked about those things, you might get around to talking about what you did for work. Those conversations took two paths – either people were happy with the work they were doing, feeling that it used their skills well and made a difference for the world, or they were ready to pivot. Especially the doctors – they’re so burnt out by what they’ve been through, not only with COVID, but everything that the health care system has become over their careers.

Our Class Panel reflected this trend, featuring six classmates sharing their reflections on life during the pandemic. The panel organizers purposely hadn’t picked “famous” classmates, but people who were willing to share genuine, raw, honest stories. One classmate, Myriam P., was one of these doctors. She’d gone to med school, become a pediatrician, created programs to help underserved kids, and was earning awards and accolades for her efforts. But one day her own children called her at work – something they were only supposed to do if it was an emergency. She picked up the phone, and her oldest, who was 9 years old, asked her, “Mommy, why do you love other kids more than us?”

Her heart stopped; the breath was knocked out of her. Her son was right. She was a good doctor – a great doctor, even. But she was not being a good mom, or a good wife. She was neglecting the things that were most important to her, including her health. She took time off from her practice, something you don’t do in medicine because not only is that a sign of weakness, but your already overworked partners have to cover for you. But she knew she had to do it. She got therapy for her burnout and depression. She started rethinking her priorities and found a way to return to her practice, but in a sustainable manner. Her stepping away allowed all of her colleagues to come to terms with the futility of how they were trying to work, and recreate a way to not only do what they loved, but be there for the people they loved – and themselves.

I’m grateful to Myriam and the other panelists for sharing their stories, and to all my classmates for what seemed to be a collective realization about the things that matter most. Those things aren’t – and never have been – how much money you make, the title you have, or the car you drive. It’s about taking care of yourself so you can be fully present with the people in your life, and use your skills to make the biggest positive difference. That’s what leads to a life well lived.

Even though one classmate joked that this is the “family that always makes you feel like an imposter” (clearly I’m not the only one who has felt this way), there was no positioning or posturing at this reunion. No one was trying to impress anyone. There was genuine interest and real connection, and for that, I’m exceedingly grateful.

And with that, I want to share something I’m proud of, because it is something that I love and where I believe I can make a meaningful difference in people’s lives. I was named as one of the Top 20 Coaches in Sacramento by Influence Media. And this – like I finally did with my PhD – is a title I’m going to share. (Click here to read the article.)

P.S. – You can now join Optimize and get all of their amazing content for free! A lifetime membership used to be $250, but they are giving it away as part of their mission to help 51% of the world’s population flourish by the year 2051. You can read more about it and sign up here.

I’m certified as an Optimize Coach and joining Optimize has helped me up my game in so many ways – prioritize sleep and health, positively shift my attitude, get clarity on my goals, start my own Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self coaching group program. This is an amazing gift and I highly encourage you to take advantage of it, whether you watch one video, read a few Philosopher’s Notes, or dive deeply into all of it!

Click here to join Optimize Premium for free

Working the Polls

Nov

2020

kgeil

I worked a Voting Center in Northern California for three days leading up to the election, and on Election Day itself. I’ve thought about being a poll worker before, but never actually made it happen. This year, after hearing about a possible shortage due to more mature workers not wanting the exposure to the corona virus, I decided I would apply.

As it turned out, my county got lots of applications, which is reassuring – plenty of people care about our democracy. I only got assigned because I called the office to check on my status, and I’m glad I did. It was the perfect way to channel my energy during this election period. Long days, for sure – we started at 6am on Election Day and didn’t finish until a little after 9pm – but it was well worth it.

We helped lots of first-time voters, of all ages (the oldest I saw was 76!); saw lots of family members bringing in other family members to be sure they voted; helped quite a few blind or visually disabled folks vote using the accessible machines; and we even helped a few homeless people vote (conditionally, since they didn’t have an address, but they could vote that way)!

We weren’t the busiest polling place, as we were in downtown Sacramento surrounded by state agencies. Many of those workers are now working from home, so even during the week we weren’t as busy as the centers in the suburbs. And on the weekend – especially on October 31, Halloween, it was “deadly” quiet. But it picked up on Monday, and on Election Day we saw 3 or 4 times as many voters as we had even on Monday. In fact, county wide, more people voted on Election Day than had the entire 10 days of early voting!

What was interesting to me is that I think most of us poll workers were there because we cared about the election, and were concerned about it being fair. But we weren’t all on the same side of the political aisle. How is it that both sides are convinced the other side is going to try to steal it? This is the bigger question that we, as a nation, are going to have to tackle. Whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican or any other party or independent, most people, I believe, ultimately want similar things – a decent job, to be treated fairly, to feel valued and like their voice is heard, to be taken care of if they get sick, to feel a part of a community.

We have different ideas about how that should happen. But we have to find a way to come together on the things we do agree about. So in a strange way, I found it reassuring that my fellow poll workers and I were all wanting to keep our elections safe and fair, even if we were sure it was each other who was the problem. But really, it wasn’t each other. Sure, there are people – extremists, I would say – on each side who are pressing their advantage, and often treading into unethical if not illegal territory. But most people are trying to do the right thing, and do their civic duty. Surely we can build on that.

To me, all of this is tied to the quest to show up as our best selves. A never ending quest, to be sure, but the more frequently we are able to tap into the best version of ourselves, the more likely we are to be able to really listen and hear other people – and see the best in them. I think we can all use more of that.

************

And for fun – check out these great ballot cartoon characters that a fellow poll worker, Eben Burgoon drew!

I Give Myself a C+

Sep

2020

kgeil

In my last Summit Register, I wrote about my unearned privilege and my fear that I wouldn’t take action. Here’s my report card: C+. It’s not that I’ve done nothing, but I certainly haven’t done enough.

And now, of course, it’s in the news again. Another shooting of an unarmed Black man (actually, there have been several, but this most recent one – of Jacob Blake, shot in front of his children – has again led to protests, counter-protests, and viligantes taking the law into their own hands, even meting out the death penalty).

I’ve heard many friends say that they don’t understand the emphasis on “Black Lives” – why don’t all lives matter, they ask? Of course, all lives do matter! But that’s missing the point. The best analogy I’ve seen is to imagine a row of houses, and one house is on fire. Of course, the neighborhood would rally to put out the fire at that house, right? It needs the most urgent attention; it’s in the most danger. That doesn’t mean that the other houses don’t also matter – but they’re not threatened with burning down at the moment.

Black lives are being threatened at a much higher rate than white lives – that’s just the reality of the world we live in and the society we have created. And the Black Lives Matter movement is trying to rally those who aren’t Black, whose houses aren’t burning down, whose children and fathers and brothers aren’t being shot, to step up – or at the very least, to realize what’s happening, instead of turning a blind eye. At least, that’s how I see it.

I have certainly done some re-education for myself since I last wrote – learning from Black friends who are doing the hard work of trying to explain what it is like to be Black in this country, and the toll that takes as you are constantly having to prove yourself, defend yourself, and fear for your safety, over and over.

I’ve donated to organizations that are doing the heavy lifting to fight these battles in the courts (the NAACP Legal Defense Fund), interrupt the prison pipeline (the Bail Project), and get out the vote (Voting While Black/Color for Change and Fair Fight).

I ordered books from a Black-owned bookstore – Ibram X. Kendi’s How to Be An Anti-Racist and Stacey Abrams’ Our Time is Now. And I joined a Facebook group that is reading, journaling on, and discussing Me and White Supremacy, by Layla Saad.

With friends back in California, I’ve been writing letters to encourage people to vote through Vote Forward. Our little group has written over 2,500 letters, and we’re aiming for 5,000 by October.

So these are all good things – but many of them feel like unfulfilled promises. I ordered those three books, but I’ve only read one (Abrams’ book on voter suppression, which I highly recommend). I’ve read the introduction to Me and White Supremacy, which is fascinating, but that’s as far as I have gotten. And I haven’t even cracked the cover on How to Be An Anti-Racist. I’ve also only managed to write 20 letters for Vote Forward since I’ve been in the Tetons.

All of this brings me back to the analogy about Black Lives Matter. I see that the Black Lives Matter house is burning down. But my house is further down the block, so it’s not in danger of burning down itself. And I’m no expert in fighting fires, nor am I sure what to do to put the fire out. I figure that it’s best left to the fire department. And in any case, I’m busy keeping my own house up – the cleaning, the gardening, the painting, all the little things that a house needs. So it’s easy to turn away – even though I know my neighbor’s house is burning down the street – and get caught up in my own world.

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
-Martin Niemoller (1892-1984), Lutheran minister

I share this poem because I think that it applies to me, today. Because I’m not Black, or trans, or a member of any number of other groups, I’m not speaking out very loudly. I might be doing more than some, but I’m not doing as much as I could do. And in large part, it’s because I feel impotent, unsure what I could do that would make a difference, and busy enough with my own life that it’s far too tempting to not get involved.

So, here’s what I’m committing to in the immediate future – I’ve been setting aside 10% of my income for donations and have accumulated a decent sum (for me). It doesn’t do any good sitting in my savings account, so I’m pledging to donate all of it by the beginning of October. If you know other good organizations, let me know!

Because I know I do better with external deadlines, I am joining an alumni book group that will be discussing How to Be an Anti-Racist the first week of October, and I will commit to reading the book by then.

I’ll also commit to writing 20 letters each week for Vote Forward between now and the beginning of October, and continue talking to my friends and family about how now is the time to act – not complain – as I try to do that better myself. I have hopefully convinced my mom and several friends that this is something they can do that might have a small impact. If you want to join us, you’d be more than welcome!

It’s still not enough – but it’ll be more than I have been doing. I share this in hopes that it inspires you to do more of whatever you feel is the right thing to do. While I realize in our current environment this could be viewed as very partisan, I don’t mean it to be. I think what I’m talking about applies to all of us, regardless of our political beliefs. And if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that nothing can be taken for granted. Including the privilege that many of us have to sit back and watch, rather than help put those fires out.

And if you’re wondering what this has to do with coaching, it has everything to do with coaching! Coaching is all about helping us get closer to the best version of ourselves – something we’ll never reach, but that hopefully we are always striving for. You’re seeing my efforts to coach myself to step up and do what I know I’m capable of doing. I may fall short – in fact, I undoubtedly will, again and again – but the important thing is to get back up and keep on trying.

I Like My Unearned Privilege (If I’m Being Honest)

Jul

2020

kgeil

I’m just going to put it all out there. I’m White, racist and I’m fully taking advantage of my unearned privilege. How? Well, for starters, there are things I don’t have to think about on a regular basis. I was horrified when George Floyd was murdered, and I went to protests, made donations, and read and watched and listened to Black voices. And then, I got busy. Busy getting ready to lead my online coaching group. Busy prepping for and teaching Interpersonal Skills classes. Busy getting ready to go to the Tetons. Busy with my life.

And that, right there, smacks of privilege. Because my life doesn’t include having to worry about being stopped by the cops for no reason. It doesn’t include having to endure countless slights or micro-aggressions because of the color of my skin. It doesn’t include hearing about yet another Black man or woman killed by police and thinking, “That could have been me,” or “That could have been my son, or my brother, or my father.” I have the privilege to not think about Black Lives Matter, or police brutality, or racism, or any of that if I don’t want to. In fact, unless I make an effort or something terrible happens that makes the news, I probably won’t.

But what I know deep down, even if part of me doesn’t want to admit it because it means I need to take responsibility – is that not getting involved because I’m busy, or it doesn’t affect me, or I don’t want to get into politics, or I’m not sure of the right thing to say or do – whatever the excuse, it isn’t valid.

When Martin Luther King Jr. said, “History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people” – he was talking about me. He was talking about now.*

I’m writing this because making this admission not only to myself, but publicly, is a first step. And only a first step. It doesn’t absolve me of taking further action. It doesn’t mean I’ve done my “good White person” thing and now I can sit back on my laurels. Far from it. And to be honest, I’m terrified that despite writing this, I will sit back. I like my unearned privilege. Why wouldn’t I? It’s comfortable, it’s easy, and I don’t have to do anything to get it.

But if the entrenched racism that is everywhere in our society is going to change, then I have to act. I have to get uncomfortable. I have to re-educate myself. I have to take risks, similar to those that many of my fellow Americans are taking every day just by virtue of who they are. Perhaps some of you don’t see any reason to change the system, and others of you may have been taking action for years. But if you are also scared that you’re not doing enough, or that it will be too easy to go back to life as usual – I hope you’ll take a step, too.

Any step in the direction of equality is worth taking, and everyone’s will be different. If you are not sure where to start, I recommend Peggy McIntosh’s essay, “White Privilege: Unpacking The Invisible Knapsack.” It’s not new, but it is a powerful reminder of the benefits skin color bestows on us (or not). And because this is only the first step of many, you can expect to see more resources and soul-searching from me in future Summit Registers.

One last thought as we approach July 4^th – as Americans, if we truly believe in the Declaration of Independence’s second paragraph, then we are called to stand up and speak out and use whatever privilege we have: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

As Ryan Holiday of the Daily Stoic says, “We can commit injustices by doing nothing, too. When we try to tell ourselves that this is not our fight, that this is not our problem, that someone else is more equipped to get involved than we are – that’s what we are doing. We are not just allowing injustice to continue, we are committing a new injustice by abandoning fellow citizens or fellow humans who are asking for our help.”

Our friends, neighbors, colleagues, fellow citizens, and fellow humans are asking for our help. The easy path, the path of least resistance, is to be “appallingly silent,” but I’m challenging myself – and all of us – to answer the call.

*Thanks to Anne H. for recently reminding me of this powerful MLK Jr. quote.

Sharpening the Saw and Getting Out of Overwhelm

Feb

2020

kgeil

I just got back from a totally chill, relaxing week in Mexico with my family, during which I created something I’m super excited to share – the Get Out of Overwhelm 5-Day Virtual Journey! It’s going to be lots of fun and extremely transformative. You can do it at a time of your choosing, it only takes 10-15 minutes per day, and (right now) it’s completely free!

When you join me on this Get Out of Overwhelm Journey, you will:

Identify the #1 thing you need to start doing to get out of overwhelm.
Unearth your own personal Kryptonite – and how to shield yourself from it.
Discover tools to immediately start optimizing your work and your energy.
Learn how to start showing up as the person you know you could be in all areas of your life.

You can read more about it here:

Get Out of Overwhelm Journey

I have to say, the week in Mexico really brought home to me how important this Get Out of Overwhelm 5-Day Journey is. My sister and brother-in-law rented the most fabulous AirBnb for us, right on the water, with its own infinity pool and private beach (thank you, Julie and Dana!). My favorite days were when we did nothing but relax at this incredible house. Because honestly, how often do we get to do that? Take an entire day to do whatever strikes our fancy?

Of course, being on vacation makes it easier to do this – you’ve already left “reality” behind. But this was a good reminder that no matter where we are – we need to do this for ourselves more often. We don’t need to be poolside to carve out a day, or half a day, or even an hour for self-care.

But, we don’t. Why not? Because we’re too busy! We’re too overwhelmed, we’ve got too much to do, and we don’t dare slow down just to relax. We save it all up until we can go on vacation.

I would argue that self-care is not about relaxing just for the sake of relaxing. It is about giving you, your brain, and your body a true rest. And when you give yourself a chance to rest and reflect, then you can be even more effective at the things that matter to you, and this is how you can really make a difference in the world.

When we don’t take time for ourselves, it’s like the story from Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People about the person struggling to cut down a tree with a dull saw. A hiker comes along and suggests that they might be more successful if they stopped to sharpen it. To which the tree cutter replied, “Can’t you see I’m too busy to sharpen my saw?”

The tree cutter may eventually succeed in chopping down the tree, but it will take much more effort than if they had just stopped to sharpen the saw. Similarly, we can’t be as effective in our lives when we don’t take time to fill ourselves up, and reflect on what we’re actually doing with our precious time.

If you’re feeling like you’re too busy to sharpen your saw, then you have an EXTRA special invitation to come on this Get Out of Overwhelm 5-Day Journey. You deserve to carve out 10-15 minutes a day for yourself! This is a Journey that will benefit you not only now, but into the future. So, come along! Your future self will thank you!

Planting Flowers and Saving Starfish

Jan

2020

kgeil

This cartoon brings up so many profound truths for me: It’s up to us. Start small. We can create our own reality. Little things matter. Don’t give up. Expectations are everything. Be the change we want to see in the world. It’s always worth nurturing or creating something. Focus on the positive. And on and on.

Of course, it’s not always that easy to just plant flowers (literally or metaphorically). It’s very easy to get paralyzed by thinking that whatever we do it won’t be enough. I know I get caught up in that. I’m only one person, what can I do? Does it really matter? It reminds me of the story about a storm that has stranded thousands of starfish on the beach. There is a child walking along, picking up the starfish, and throwing them back into the sea, knowing they won’t otherwise survive. An adult walking by says, “There’s so many, you’ll hardly make a difference.” The child pauses for a minute, and then says, “But I’ll make a difference to this one.” In some versions of the story, after hearing the child’s response, the adult also starts throwing starfish back into the sea. Other adults start helping, and eventually they are all saved. I especially like that version!

What I take away from the cartoon is how important it is to do whatever we feel called to do to make the world a better place, whether that is planting flowers, or saving starfish, or registering voters, or helping people do things like plant flowers, save starfish, and register voters! And again, that reminder that no act of kindness or creation, or growth or nurturing, is ever too small for those that receive it.

I hope that 2020 will be wonderful in as many ways as possible for you and your loved ones. Here’s to planting flowers wherever we are, so that we shape the world around us into what we most want it to be.

My passion is helping people plant flowers at work – after all, that’s where we spend so much time. For 2020, I’m excited about merging that passion with what I’ve been experiencing in the Optimize Coach program – yes, that’s the program that got me to do not one, but two Spartan Races this past year!

I’ll be sharing soon about my new group program that will help us all optimize our work, energy, and relationships in 2020 and beyond. And if you know someone who could use some seeds planted at their job right now, please let me know. I would be happy to gift them a Make a Leap Strategy Session so that they can get some things to shift immediately!

P.S. – For those of you who are regular readers of my newsletter, this cartoon and the starfish story may seem familiar. That’s because I originally wrote this in January of 2018. I woke up this morning thinking about the cartoon (unfortunately I don’t know who the cartoonist is), and decided I wanted to update it and share it again! Cheers! And Happy New Year and New Decade!

My Out-of-the-Box Life

Nov

2019

kgeil

Greetings! You may (or may not!) have noticed that I haven’t posted one of my Coaching Heights’ Summit Register newsletters in quite a while – in over three months, to be exact. The past months have been a whirlwind of time with friends and family, travel, and work opportunities. Which is exactly the kind of life I want to be living – having the flexibility to choose where I am, who I’m with, and what I’m doing, as much as I can. I feel like my writing is always personal, and this one is perhaps even more so – for those of you who know me well, it will bring you up-to-date, and for those of you I know less well, you’ll get to know me better.

I have always left my summer job at Exum Mountain Guides in the Tetons by mid-September. This year, I purposely planned my schedule so that I could stay until early October, when the water gets turned off at our cabins – and it was wonderful. By the end, I was the only one left and had the whole place to myself, which was a really interesting experience. While the climbing rangers weren’t too far away, I’m not sure I’ve been that “alone” in a very long time, if ever. I wondered if I would feel afraid, or restless, but I didn’t. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed it – the opportunity to just be present, in a beautiful place, without distractions other than the sunsets and the wildlife.

After that, I spent two weeks back in Colorado, staying with my mom, visiting with my sister and her kids, and connecting with many old friends. I got to go for a walk in a blizzard (I miss those, believe it or not) and both my sisters planned an amazing joint birthday celebration. My mom had just turned 75, and I will be turning 50 at the end of this month. We both love to dance, and Kristin – who is an incredible dance teacher and why my mom and I got into dancing – set up a dance party at one of her studios. Julie flew in from Minneapolis, arranged for food and birthday cake, and we had a fabulous time dancing the night away!

I left the day after the party to drive back to California, visiting family friends, a friend from elementary school, and an Exum friend along the way. In case you’re wondering, the car made it back just fine – no automatic truck chains in the middle of the road to derail me on this trip!

Two days later, I was off to Santa Clara to assist at the Thrive Academy Client Attraction Summit. Thrive is a business academy for coaches and holistic practitioners, but even more than that, it is a community of people who are committed to giving their gifts to the world to make it a better place, while digging deep into their own personal growth. Going to Thrive events, whether I’m participating or assisting, always fills up my tank, and this time was no different.

I spent one night back in Sacramento, and then flew out early the next morning to Salt Lake City to see my Uncle Peter who was having a very risky back surgery that day. Because of a blood condition and previous heart issues, the odds of him not surviving the surgery were quite high. But he made it through the surgery, and he’s now out of the hospital and on the road to recovery. I’m so glad I was able to hop on a plane to be with him, my mom, and his daughter Alex – if anything had happened and he hadn’t made it, I would have always regretted not being there.

I flew back to Sacramento the next day, as I needed to be back for a special dance practice. My dance formation team is redoing our routine from last year so that we can compete in L.A. in January, and we really need to get it back in our bones. I had two more nights back in Sac, and then I drove to San Francisco to meet my dear friend Ute and her family to walk in the Miles for Migraine fundraiser, for which we’d been raising much needed money for research (if this is a cause that’s important to you, you can still donate here).

After one night at home, I was off to Chowchilla for a week of work as the Faculty Coordinator for a Leadership Program for managers and leaders in the California prison system. It’s an honor to support these hardworking people as they try to change the culture – both by raising their self awareness when it comes to their own communication styles, assumptions, and blinders, and through teaching them tools to help them be even more effective managers and leaders.

I got back from that week, and then flew to Hawaii early the next day for a healing retreat that a friend of mine from Thrive, Angela Fields, was running. It seemed like a perfect way to mark the end of my first half century – with reflection, growth, and healing, in a beautiful place, with amazing people. And the opportunity to potentially swim with wild dolphins didn’t hurt, either (we did get to swim with them on the last day we were there, which was an unforgettable experience). I’ve never gone on a retreat like this, but from the moment I first heard about it, I knew I had to go. As I’ve written about before, when my gut or my intuition are speaking up strongly, I never regret listening – and this was no different. While it was definitely a splurge, there was a great deal of power in being willing to spend money on myself in this way. And all throughout the retreat, I kept getting the same message: “Trust yourself! You know what is right for you!” This is something I already know, of course, but like any of life’s big lessons, we need to relearn them at different stages in our lives, over and over.

After returning to the mainland, I spent two nights back in Sacramento, and then went to Santa Rosa for an overdue birthday celebration with my brother, Jeffrey. We spent the day catching up, and sharing stories about where we are in our work and our lives, and what’s important. I’m incredibly lucky to be close to not only Jeffrey, but my sisters, too. Jeffrey and I have a special bond – I was in the delivery room when he was born, and was the first one in the family to hold him. He was only 5 years old when I left for college, and after graduation and teaching in Japan, I came back to Colorado because I knew if I didn’t, I would never get to know him. That is a decision I am continually grateful I made.

I came back to Sacramento, and the next night went to my friends’ house to be closer to a Spartan Race the next day. My friend Leanne and I did the Sprint, which was about 3.5 mi with 15-20 obstacles (think American Ninja Warriors), and Nancy & Este came to cheer us on. I was doing the race because of a coaching program I’m in called Optimize Coach. I joined Optimize back in February in large part because the graduation weekend, which is coming up in less than two weeks, included everyone doing a Spartan race together. I found the idea of an obstacle course race intriguing, but mostly scary, which was a good indication that I would benefit from pushing myself to do it, especially right as I turn 50. I was doing as much training as I could – hanging from monkey bars to increase my grip strength, working with a personal trainer in Wyoming this summer to increase core strength and flexibility. When I realized there was a race near me in Sacramento I figured I had no good excuse to not try it (even though part of me really wanted to chicken out).

But Leanne and I did it, and we did much better than we thought we would. I was afraid of the monkey bars – I’ve heard too many stories of people hurting themselves. I wasn’t sure I wanted to even try, but as we watched others go, I decided that I owed it to myself to at least attempt the first bar. So I did – I got that one, I went for the next, and the next, and before I knew it, I was ringing the bell at the end. There were three obstacles I couldn’t do – the Spear Throw, the Rope Climb, and the Inverted Wall – but all the rest I completed, much to my surprise – even the ones where you’re carrying heavy objects. It was clear that the training I had done was paying off. And it wasn’t nearly as scary as I thought it might be. In fact, it was even fun in parts! It was also proof that I am stronger than I thought – both physically and mentally. And that goes for Leanne, too, especially since she had no idea what she was getting herself into.

Through out all of these adventures, I’ve been continuing to coach my amazing clients and help them shift their perspectives on what is possible for them in life and work. And now I’m finally back home for a couple weeks – albeit with visits from Ute and her youngest daughter this weekend, and from my brother for my birthday – until I go off again for the second week of the Faculty Coordinator position down in Chowchilla, and then back to Colorado for the holidays.

This is certainly the most travel I’ve had in recent memory, but since it’s all been for things I’m excited to do, or people I’m excited to see, it’s been well worth it. It helps that I don’t currently have a 4-legged critter in my life. I’m grateful for the flexibility and control that I have in my life, because even though I might not be making millions of dollars, I know that I’ve been able to be present when it matters most, both to me and to the people I care about.

I realize that on the surface, this doesn’t seem to have much to do with coaching, but hopefully it’s a reminder that it’s possible to create all different sorts of ways to make a living. The way I do it isn’t going to be for everyone, of course, but it works for me. And that’s the takeaway, I hope – that within the constraints of our own realities, we can carve out what works for us. So that we can show up for the people we love when they need us, so that we can stretch ourselves and learn and grow, so that we can be effective and make a difference through our work. And not to say I’m perfect at it, by any means! But I’m incredibly thankful for what I have created so far, and I intend to continue optimizing it as long as I can.

If carving out what works best for you is something you’d like support with, please reach out by replying to this email. I have a few spots available for Make a Leap sessions, and maybe one of them has your name on it. I’ve helped my clients create their dream jobs, their own businesses, or shift their perspectives so that they no longer dread going to work, and I would love to help you do the same.

The Happiest Truck Driver I’ve Ever Met

Dec

2018

kgeil

At my family’s Christmas Day dinner this year, we were joined by my brother-in-law’s brother-in-law (is there an official term for that? I don’t think so!), who is a truck driver and happened to be in the area. I was fascinated by Niko’s story, and most of all by his obvious enthusiasm for his job.

He’s a Bosnian Serb, and spent much of his high school years living without electricity or heat in his war-torn country. He has always wanted to be a truck driver – as a child he had one toy car, and the rest were all toy trucks. He wanted to go right into truck driving after high school, but his parents insisted he go to college. They were hoping that he would get interested in another career track (something more “prestigious,” perhaps?).

But his dream of becoming a truck driver in the United States never wavered. When he received his degree, he took his diploma to his parents, presented it to them, and said, “Now can I drive trucks?” To his parents’ credit, they recognized that no matter how much they might want him to do something else, he wanted to drive trucks – always had, and always would. So they didn’t stand in his way.

Now, he’s achieved his dream – he’s been in the States at least two years, after spending some time in British Columbia. He loves driving, he loves his truck, he loves getting to go all over the country, he loves the adventure of not knowing where he’s going to be sent until he picks up his load, he loves looking out the window of his cab in the mornings and seeing whatever view of nature he has, and all of that enthusiasm literally radiates off of him.

I always admire people who not only know what it is they want to do, but don’t give in to pressure just because those around them – especially the people who love them the most, and no matter how well-intentioned – believe they should do something else. In fact, my dad chose law in large part because he thought it would make his parents proud, and not because it was something he was naturally good at or even really wanted to do. And he paid the price – and so did we.

Regardless of whether or not we’re as clear about what we want to do as Niko, we often allow ourselves to be convinced to do things because they’re practical, or because we think we have to live up to someone else’s expectations. But in my experience, that always backfires at some point. If you really want to do something (or know you really don’t want to do something), that’s your intuition pointing you in the direction you need to go. And we’re always better off listening to it.

This is an especially good time of year to listen to that little voice inside of us, especially if it’s telling us that something in our lives or work isn’t quite right, and even if we don’t know what it is that we want. Because when we start taking steps towards something new, regardless of whether or not we know what it is, paths and possibilities will open up that we never could have imagined.

Start taking those steps through one of my two holiday coaching specials. Don’t delay! They’re only available through December 31st, 2018.

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How Many Hops?

Apr

2018

kgeil

Okay, so I totally stole the title of this Summit Register from a recent post by Seth Godin, which I loved. In fact, here it is in its entirety (emphasis added):

How Many Hops?

Some things, like your next job, might happen as the direct result of one meeting. Here I am, here’s my resume, okay, you’re hired. But most of the time, that’s not the way it works. You meet someone. You do a small project. You write an article. It leads to another meeting. You do a slightly bigger project for someone else. You make a short film. That leads to a speaking gig. Which leads to a consulting contract. And then you get the gig.

How many hops does the ball take before it lands where you’re hoping it will? If you’re walking around with a quid pro quo mindset, giving only enough to get what you need right now, and walking away from anyone or anything that isn’t the destination—not only are you eliminating all the possible multi-hop options, you’re probably not having as much as fun or contributing as much as you could either.

– Seth Godin

Why do I love this so much? Because it speaks to how wonderful it can be when we don’t worry about how we’re going to get to a goal, but rather open ourselves up to wherever the journey takes us. And the journey can often take us to places that we never even knew were possibilities (and wouldn’t have known, if we’d stuck only to the path we envisioned for ourselves). For example, if you’d told me that I’d end up teaching Japanese, getting a PhD in educational psychology, spending my summers in the Tetons, and starting my own coaching business, I would never have believed it. But, here I am! And it all started with some random hops into things that interested me, like studying abroad in Japan in high school.

“How Many Hops” also made me think about how sometimes we get stuck because we’re quite sure that we a) know all the paths that are open to us, and b) know where those paths will lead. But the reality is, we never know for sure where any path can lead, even if we think we can see it clearly. There are usually bends and alcoves and other paths that only become clear to us once we start walking. And sometimes we can be completely blind to paths that are right in front of us. Have you heard of the visual perception exercise that asks people to count the number of times the players wearing white shirts bounce the ball to each other (as opposed to the players in black shirts)? What happens is that people get so focused on the players in the white shirts, that they literally do not see the person in a gorilla suit walking through the middle, pounding her chest. This same thing can happen to us when we get so focused on the path we’re on that we literally cannot see the other paths that are open to us. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to find someone who can help point them out to us.

We can also spend a lot of time and energy wondering and worrying about which path to take, when we don’t yet have enough information to make an informed decision. Again, often what we need is the encouragement to take that first step down one of the paths. It doesn’t matter which one, but as soon as we start down it, we get information that is hugely valuable and that can help us make an informed decision, instead of just worrying and hesitating. That path might be a dead-end, and that’s fine. At least we know! Or, it might lead to something else we’d never thought of. I worked with a client who was wanting to become a teacher. Through our work together he ended up finding a job at a maker museum, which involved teaching kids how to build things. It was a great combination of many of his skills and experiences (he had a background in construction), and I, for one, hadn’t even heard of a maker museum when we started. But the hops he made led him to it. And that’s the beauty of it – you have to get out there and try things, or you won’t know what works – or where you’ll end up!

All of this seems very appropriate, given that we’re a week past the Easter holiday, with its plethora of Peeps and bunny rabbits and other things that hop, and heading into spring. Here’s to embracing the idea of “multi-hops” in our lives, and seeing where they lead us! And if you or someone you know could use some encouragement, I do hope you’ll reach out!

Planting Flowers and Saving Starfish

Jan

2018

kgeil

Some of you may have seen this cartoon since I posted it on Facebook already (on my new business page!). It brings up so many profound truths for me: It’s up to us. Start small. We can create our own reality. Little things matter. Don’t give up. Expectations are everything. Be the change we want to see in the world. It’s always worth nurturing or creating something. Focus on the positive. And on and on.

What I take away from the cartoon is how important it is to do whatever we feel called to do to make the world a better place, whether that is planting flowers, or saving starfish, or registering voters, or helping people find jobs that allow them to do things like plant flowers, save starfish, and register voters! And again, that reminder that no act of kindness or creation, or growth or nurturing, is ever too small for those that receive it.

I hope that 2018 is off to a good start in as many ways as possible for you and your loved ones. Here’s to planting flowers wherever we are, so that we shape the world around us into what we most want it to be. As you know, my passion is helping people plant flowers, so to speak, at work – especially when their “workbeds” are barren or full of weeds. Sadly, the number of people who are miserable at work is overwhelming – nearly 70% of American workers are disengaged. If you know someone who could use some seeds planted at their job, please let me know. I would be happy to gift them a Make a Leap Strategy Session so that they can get some things to shift!