Motivation - Coaching Heights

The Program That Changed My Life

Dec

2021

kgeil

I wiped my sweaty palms on my legs. I stepped up on the block. Then I stepped down. Did I really want to do this? No, to be honest, I didn’t. I was afraid – afraid to fall, afraid to hurt myself, afraid to look stupid. But I was already half way through the race, and that’s why I was here – to push out of my comfort zone. And so I gathered my courage and stepped up on the block. I reached out for the first bar, then the next, then the next. My confidence grew as I settled into a rhythm, soaring above the ground, moving on my own power. And before I knew it, I was at the end, hitting the bell!

Why was I swinging across the monkey bars, 10 feet off the ground, in a Spartan Obstacle Race? It was all thanks to Brian Johnson and the Optimize Coach program. To be certified as an Optimize Coach you had to complete a Spartan race or the equivalent. NOT something I would ever have chosen to do on my own! But that Optimize Mastery/Coach program I did in 2019 helped me up my game on so many levels that I was willing to give it a go, and found that I was more up to the task than I thought.

Thanks to my participation in the Optimize Mastery/Coach program, I now prioritize my sleep like never before. I stopped using the snooze button, which is something I would have said was impossible for me (turns out, it’s not)! My morning routine connects me with people I care about, focuses my intentions for the day, and keeps me out of email and other distractions waaaay more than before. I’m much better at consciously choosing what I eat, instead of mindlessly eating whatever is at hand – and I’m more likely to buy my willpower at the store. I’ve been introduced to deep thinkers and ideas that now positively influence my choices and my mindset – the Stoics, Cal Newport’s ideas on deep work, and the list goes on and on.

Which brings me to the whole point of writing you – starting on January 3, 2022, you can take the same Optimize Mastery/Coach program that I took! Not only that, you can take it for way less than what I paid. When I took the program as part of the first cohort, I paid $1000, and it was worth every penny. For this upcoming 8^th cohort, which starts on January 3, 2022, you can join for only $300 – and you can bring a friend for free, making it as little as $150 each if you split it.

So if you are looking for a way to dial in your energy, your health, your mindset, your productivity, and your relationships in 2022 – I highly recommend this program. You do not need to be, or have any interest in becoming, a coach. The program is all about your own personal mastery of the content, and the coach part is completely optional. As is the Spartan Race.

You can sign up and get information here. Plus, every time someone signs up using my link I will make a $50 donation to Braver Angels. Braver Angels is an amazing organization, sorely needed in the United States right now, and if you don’t know about them, you should! https://braverangels.org/).

It is a commitment, and it won’t be for everyone, but even if you can only take advantage of a fraction of the program, it will be well worth your while. That’s why I’m writing you – to make sure you can take advantage of this opportunity if it speaks to you, because it may not come around again, and the program is starting soon.

If all of this sounds intriguing, but you’re not quite ready for the Optimize Mastery/Coach program, then do yourself a favor and sign up for Optimize Premium. This used to cost $100/year or $250 for a lifetime membership, and now it’s completely free!

There’s not as much structure with Optimize Premium – it will be up to you to decide what you want to look at and what interests you, but again, even if you only read one or two Philosopher’s Notes (I really like the one on Cal Newport’s book, Deep Work) or watch one Master’s Class (there’s a great one called Antifragile 101), or read some of the +1s (too many to list) you won’t regret it.

Here are the links again:

For the Optimize Mastery/Coach program ($300): https://kim7–heroicenterprises.thrivecart.com/optimize-mastery/

For membership in Optimize Premium (free): https://kim7–heroicenterprises.thrivecart.com/optimize-premium/

I’m available if you have any questions. And definitely let me know if you sign up for the Optimize Mastery/Coach program so I can make the donation to Braver Angels on your behalf!

P.S. – If you sign up for Optimize Mastery/Coach, and you’d rather not have $50 go to Braver Angels (their mission is to help bring civility and kindness back into our political and public discourse), let me know what cause you would like the $50 to go to and I’m happy to make the donation there!

Worst Reunion Ever

Dec

2021

kgeil

Five years ago, when I went to my last college reunion, I had an imposter-syndrome induced meltdown. I was surrounded by classmates who were doing such amazing things with their lives: US Senator Cory Booker, Congressman Ted Lieu, California Supreme Court Justice Goodwin Liu, doctors saving lives (too many to mention, but including both my freshman roommates, Marlene and Liz), Olympic athletes, high tech geniuses, CEOs, CFOs, inventors, entrepreneurs. You name it, there was someone in my class who could claim that title. And they all seemed to have gorgeous families, big houses, fancy cars, and generous salaries – none of which I did. Never mind that I didn’t actually want most of those things. For some reason, that reunion really triggered me.

I was attending reunion activities at night, and during the day participating in a workshop for coaches and holistic practitioners building their businesses. At the workshop we were talking about how to position ourselves in a way that would let people know about our expertise, and I stood up and said I didn’t see what I’d done in my life that was relevant to positioning, and then burst into tears. The leader of the workshop said, “Didn’t you do your undergrad at Stanford? And didn’t you earn your PhD? How can you think those don’t count? And that’s just for starters!” By the end of the weekend they had convinced me that my PhD was something to be proud of, and worth sharing with people.

But back at the reunion, I still cringed every time I chatted with a classmate I hadn’t seen in a while and the first question was almost always related to what I was doing for work. Don’t get me wrong! I loved what I was doing for work: building my coaching business, working in the Exum Mountain Guides office and at Sac State’s College of Continuing Education. Everything I did was so hard to explain, though, and didn’t seem to fit into the “Stanford path” that I thought everyone else was on – but me.

Fast forward to October of 2021. Despite the painfulness of the reunion five years earlier, I was ready to go back. I wanted to see my good friends, be on campus again, and reconnect with people after COVID. It was an entirely different experience. Not only were we five years older, but we’d all lived through, and are still living through, the first pandemic any of us have ever experienced. It’s made many people question their priorities (those who are privileged enough to not be in survival mode) and that was evident with every conversation I had.

Instead of starting out with some version of, “What do you do?” people asked where you were living, or where you’d lived when you were at Stanford (the best way to help our middle-aged brains remember where we might know someone from). And then people wanted to know, “How are you? How is your family?” They really wanted to know; it wasn’t a superficial starter question.

Once you’d talked about those things, you might get around to talking about what you did for work. Those conversations took two paths – either people were happy with the work they were doing, feeling that it used their skills well and made a difference for the world, or they were ready to pivot. Especially the doctors – they’re so burnt out by what they’ve been through, not only with COVID, but everything that the health care system has become over their careers.

Our Class Panel reflected this trend, featuring six classmates sharing their reflections on life during the pandemic. The panel organizers purposely hadn’t picked “famous” classmates, but people who were willing to share genuine, raw, honest stories. One classmate, Myriam P., was one of these doctors. She’d gone to med school, become a pediatrician, created programs to help underserved kids, and was earning awards and accolades for her efforts. But one day her own children called her at work – something they were only supposed to do if it was an emergency. She picked up the phone, and her oldest, who was 9 years old, asked her, “Mommy, why do you love other kids more than us?”

Her heart stopped; the breath was knocked out of her. Her son was right. She was a good doctor – a great doctor, even. But she was not being a good mom, or a good wife. She was neglecting the things that were most important to her, including her health. She took time off from her practice, something you don’t do in medicine because not only is that a sign of weakness, but your already overworked partners have to cover for you. But she knew she had to do it. She got therapy for her burnout and depression. She started rethinking her priorities and found a way to return to her practice, but in a sustainable manner. Her stepping away allowed all of her colleagues to come to terms with the futility of how they were trying to work, and recreate a way to not only do what they loved, but be there for the people they loved – and themselves.

I’m grateful to Myriam and the other panelists for sharing their stories, and to all my classmates for what seemed to be a collective realization about the things that matter most. Those things aren’t – and never have been – how much money you make, the title you have, or the car you drive. It’s about taking care of yourself so you can be fully present with the people in your life, and use your skills to make the biggest positive difference. That’s what leads to a life well lived.

Even though one classmate joked that this is the “family that always makes you feel like an imposter” (clearly I’m not the only one who has felt this way), there was no positioning or posturing at this reunion. No one was trying to impress anyone. There was genuine interest and real connection, and for that, I’m exceedingly grateful.

And with that, I want to share something I’m proud of, because it is something that I love and where I believe I can make a meaningful difference in people’s lives. I was named as one of the Top 20 Coaches in Sacramento by Influence Media. And this – like I finally did with my PhD – is a title I’m going to share. (Click here to read the article.)

P.S. – You can now join Optimize and get all of their amazing content for free! A lifetime membership used to be $250, but they are giving it away as part of their mission to help 51% of the world’s population flourish by the year 2051. You can read more about it and sign up here.

I’m certified as an Optimize Coach and joining Optimize has helped me up my game in so many ways – prioritize sleep and health, positively shift my attitude, get clarity on my goals, start my own Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self coaching group program. This is an amazing gift and I highly encourage you to take advantage of it, whether you watch one video, read a few Philosopher’s Notes, or dive deeply into all of it!

Click here to join Optimize Premium for free

I Like My Unearned Privilege (If I’m Being Honest)

Jul

2020

kgeil

I’m just going to put it all out there. I’m White, racist and I’m fully taking advantage of my unearned privilege. How? Well, for starters, there are things I don’t have to think about on a regular basis. I was horrified when George Floyd was murdered, and I went to protests, made donations, and read and watched and listened to Black voices. And then, I got busy. Busy getting ready to lead my online coaching group. Busy prepping for and teaching Interpersonal Skills classes. Busy getting ready to go to the Tetons. Busy with my life.

And that, right there, smacks of privilege. Because my life doesn’t include having to worry about being stopped by the cops for no reason. It doesn’t include having to endure countless slights or micro-aggressions because of the color of my skin. It doesn’t include hearing about yet another Black man or woman killed by police and thinking, “That could have been me,” or “That could have been my son, or my brother, or my father.” I have the privilege to not think about Black Lives Matter, or police brutality, or racism, or any of that if I don’t want to. In fact, unless I make an effort or something terrible happens that makes the news, I probably won’t.

But what I know deep down, even if part of me doesn’t want to admit it because it means I need to take responsibility – is that not getting involved because I’m busy, or it doesn’t affect me, or I don’t want to get into politics, or I’m not sure of the right thing to say or do – whatever the excuse, it isn’t valid.

When Martin Luther King Jr. said, “History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people” – he was talking about me. He was talking about now.*

I’m writing this because making this admission not only to myself, but publicly, is a first step. And only a first step. It doesn’t absolve me of taking further action. It doesn’t mean I’ve done my “good White person” thing and now I can sit back on my laurels. Far from it. And to be honest, I’m terrified that despite writing this, I will sit back. I like my unearned privilege. Why wouldn’t I? It’s comfortable, it’s easy, and I don’t have to do anything to get it.

But if the entrenched racism that is everywhere in our society is going to change, then I have to act. I have to get uncomfortable. I have to re-educate myself. I have to take risks, similar to those that many of my fellow Americans are taking every day just by virtue of who they are. Perhaps some of you don’t see any reason to change the system, and others of you may have been taking action for years. But if you are also scared that you’re not doing enough, or that it will be too easy to go back to life as usual – I hope you’ll take a step, too.

Any step in the direction of equality is worth taking, and everyone’s will be different. If you are not sure where to start, I recommend Peggy McIntosh’s essay, “White Privilege: Unpacking The Invisible Knapsack.” It’s not new, but it is a powerful reminder of the benefits skin color bestows on us (or not). And because this is only the first step of many, you can expect to see more resources and soul-searching from me in future Summit Registers.

One last thought as we approach July 4^th – as Americans, if we truly believe in the Declaration of Independence’s second paragraph, then we are called to stand up and speak out and use whatever privilege we have: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

As Ryan Holiday of the Daily Stoic says, “We can commit injustices by doing nothing, too. When we try to tell ourselves that this is not our fight, that this is not our problem, that someone else is more equipped to get involved than we are – that’s what we are doing. We are not just allowing injustice to continue, we are committing a new injustice by abandoning fellow citizens or fellow humans who are asking for our help.”

Our friends, neighbors, colleagues, fellow citizens, and fellow humans are asking for our help. The easy path, the path of least resistance, is to be “appallingly silent,” but I’m challenging myself – and all of us – to answer the call.

*Thanks to Anne H. for recently reminding me of this powerful MLK Jr. quote.

Finding Clarity in the Fog of COVID-19

Mar

2020

kgeil

There’s so much happening right now that it’s hard to keep up, as the numbers related to COVID-19 spiral higher and higher, and stay-at-home orders are extended further and further. And things are likely going to get worse before they get better. I don’t say that to be a downer, but just to acknowledge the current reality.

Even if you are lucky and privileged enough to be safe at home right now, with lots of food, and healthy, and maybe even with work still to do – there’s plenty to worry about. Will you ultimately lose your job? Is the whole economy going to come crashing to a halt? Are you going to get sick, or will someone you care about get sick? Or die? These worries loom larger and larger, until they begin to block out everything else. And that’s not helpful.

Let’s push those worries aside for a moment, and imagine that you’re going for a walk on a very foggy day. You’re enveloped by the fog, can’t see more than a few yards in front of you, and things look unfamiliar or even frightening, surprising you as they appear in your limited field of vision.

Quick science question: what is fog? It’s tiny droplets of water suspended in the air. If you collected all those droplets, say from an area the size of a football field, encased in a dense fog about 12 ft deep, how much liquid water would you guess you’d end up with? Enough to fill a bathtub? A swimming pool? A lake?

The answer is, none of the above. It would only come out to somewhere between 1 to 10 liters of water.* To fill a standard bathtub, you’d need anywhere from 150 to 300 liters of water. So out of all that fog, you couldn’t even collect enough water to draw a bath and soak all your worries away!

Which is the point – worrying over things that haven’t even happened yet is like letting those few liters of water become a huge fog bank. We can’t think or see clearly, and let’s face it – we need to be able to do that in order to respond to the challenges brought on by this pandemic. We’ll all benefit from spending as much of our energy as possible on the things that are within our control, even if that’s only our own perspective.

Hopefully this metaphor provides a quick and useful perspective shift. And here are two ways I can provide further support:

#1: The Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self group program started in the beginning of April 2020, but you could be part of the next cohort. This program is for you if you want to get support with shifting your perspective, improve the structures and routines in your life to increase your energy and productivity, and become better equipped to deal with the challenges that will be coming down the road.

Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self

#2: My Get Out of Overwhelm Journey videos are still available (for now). There are five of them, each about 15 minutes long, and you can access them for free here:

Get Out of Overwhelm Journey

They’re a great way to take a little break, especially if your monkey mind is feeding you negative, fear-based stories about what is going to happen and adding to the fog. Drop into the most important areas of your life: your Energy, your Work (paid or not), and your Love (all your relationships), as well as discover your Kryptonite, and get ideas and focus for moving forward in a productive way.

Stay well, and don’t let your worries turn into a fog bank!

*************
*If I did my math right! Fogquest.org (they specialize in collecting water from fog), says that there’s typically between 0.05 to 0.5 grams of liquid water in 1 cubic meter of fog – I’d show you my spreadsheet for the rest, but that’s getting too geeky! I’ll leave it to you to check my work if you’re bored. Why the math? Well, I heard about this metaphor through Optimize (the program I recently got certified in as an Optimize Coach). It came from Earl Nightingale’s book, The Essence of Success, in which he says that a bank of fog that is 100 feet deep and covers seven city blocks contains less than a glass of water. I think he underestimated the amount of water, which explains my geeky math as I was trying to be sure I was sharing correct information. But regardless, the metaphor still holds. 🙂

Photo Credits
(from unsplash.com)
Woman in the fog: Артём Мякинник
Cat in bathtub: Brad Pearson

Being Our Best Selves in Times Like These

Mar

2020

kgeil

Wow, things are really changing quickly, aren’t they? Just yesterday all of the Bay Area went under “shelter in place” orders, for at least the next three weeks. Here in Sacramento*, all large gatherings have been cancelled, grocery store shelves are bare, and many schools and organizations have sent their students and workers home. And while I don’t have a line on how this is all going to turn out, I do have an invitation and a gift to share with you.

Everything that is happening is a major disruption to our day-to-day lives, and brings up vivid fears about our health, our finances, and our world. And yet, we still have so much, most of us! I know I still have my overall good health, a roof over my head, plenty of food in the house, running water, Internet and phone connections that allow me to talk with people in real time all over the world, and my dog to snuggle with. And if you’re reading this, I’m guessing you do, too (wait – how did Baloo get to your house?) 😉

As a counterbalance to the legitimate fears running rampant right now, I’m calling on the best version of myself to come forth as frequently as possible. The version of myself that appreciates what I have, instead of what I don’t; that doesn’t waste too much time and energy on apocalyptic, worst-case scenarios but rather approaches this situation with a sense of curiosity about the positive things that could come of it. The version of myself that says, “Bring it on! I don’t know what’s coming, but I know that ultimately, we’ll deal with it.”

To do this, I’m falling back on the structures and routines that I have built over time that keep my energy levels high and positive, that allow me to push the distractions away so I can still do the work I’m here to do, and that let me be present and generous with the people around me. Do I show up as my best self 100% of the time? No, of course not – I’m human! But thanks to these structures and routines, I show up that way much more than I would without them. And I continue to improve and fine-tune, always aiming to close that gap between who I’m being and who I’m capable of being.

I share this because in times like these, it’s more important than ever that we have structures and routines that support us and make it easier for our best self to show up – not harder. Now is not the time to watch Netflix for hours on end, or eat junk because we find it comforting, or spiral down into speculation about the world as we know it coming to an end. Maybe it will come to an end, maybe it won’t! Either way, we’ll learn from it and emerge even stronger – as hard as that may be to imagine right now.

So, keeping all this in mind, I have two things to share with you. First is the Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self group coaching program. Now is exactly when we need to be cognizant and purposeful about how we are spending our mental and physical energy, and intentionally structure our lives so that we can show up at our best. And the program is virtual so it provides a means of connection and support without putting ourselves or anyone else at risk.

Optimize Your Life to Be Your Best Self

I also have a gift for you. Two weeks ago I did a virtual Get Out of Overwhelm 5-Day Journey. It’s ended now, but I know that some of you may be feeling very overwhelmed at the moment given everything that’s happening. So I’ve put the recordings back up (for now) for anyone who would benefit from watching them.

There are five recordings, each about 15 minutes long, and they’re a great way to take a little break, especially if your monkey mind is feeding you negative, fear-based stories about what is going to happen. Drop into the most important areas of your life: your Energy, your Work (paid or not), and your Love (all your relationships), as well as discover your Kryptonite, and get ideas and focus for moving forward in a productive way. I hope you enjoy them.

Get Out of Overwhelm Journey – Video Recordings

Here’s to all of us getting through these times stronger than when we started! And supporting each other as we go!

* As I was getting ready to send this out, a “stay at home” order was been issued for Sacramento, and a “shelter in place” order for Davis – and undoubtedly many more such orders to come. Stay safe, everyone!

Sharpening the Saw and Getting Out of Overwhelm

Feb

2020

kgeil

I just got back from a totally chill, relaxing week in Mexico with my family, during which I created something I’m super excited to share – the Get Out of Overwhelm 5-Day Virtual Journey! It’s going to be lots of fun and extremely transformative. You can do it at a time of your choosing, it only takes 10-15 minutes per day, and (right now) it’s completely free!

When you join me on this Get Out of Overwhelm Journey, you will:

Identify the #1 thing you need to start doing to get out of overwhelm.
Unearth your own personal Kryptonite – and how to shield yourself from it.
Discover tools to immediately start optimizing your work and your energy.
Learn how to start showing up as the person you know you could be in all areas of your life.

You can read more about it here:

Get Out of Overwhelm Journey

I have to say, the week in Mexico really brought home to me how important this Get Out of Overwhelm 5-Day Journey is. My sister and brother-in-law rented the most fabulous AirBnb for us, right on the water, with its own infinity pool and private beach (thank you, Julie and Dana!). My favorite days were when we did nothing but relax at this incredible house. Because honestly, how often do we get to do that? Take an entire day to do whatever strikes our fancy?

Of course, being on vacation makes it easier to do this – you’ve already left “reality” behind. But this was a good reminder that no matter where we are – we need to do this for ourselves more often. We don’t need to be poolside to carve out a day, or half a day, or even an hour for self-care.

But, we don’t. Why not? Because we’re too busy! We’re too overwhelmed, we’ve got too much to do, and we don’t dare slow down just to relax. We save it all up until we can go on vacation.

I would argue that self-care is not about relaxing just for the sake of relaxing. It is about giving you, your brain, and your body a true rest. And when you give yourself a chance to rest and reflect, then you can be even more effective at the things that matter to you, and this is how you can really make a difference in the world.

When we don’t take time for ourselves, it’s like the story from Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People about the person struggling to cut down a tree with a dull saw. A hiker comes along and suggests that they might be more successful if they stopped to sharpen it. To which the tree cutter replied, “Can’t you see I’m too busy to sharpen my saw?”

The tree cutter may eventually succeed in chopping down the tree, but it will take much more effort than if they had just stopped to sharpen the saw. Similarly, we can’t be as effective in our lives when we don’t take time to fill ourselves up, and reflect on what we’re actually doing with our precious time.

If you’re feeling like you’re too busy to sharpen your saw, then you have an EXTRA special invitation to come on this Get Out of Overwhelm 5-Day Journey. You deserve to carve out 10-15 minutes a day for yourself! This is a Journey that will benefit you not only now, but into the future. So, come along! Your future self will thank you!

Planting Flowers and Saving Starfish

Jan

2020

kgeil

This cartoon brings up so many profound truths for me: It’s up to us. Start small. We can create our own reality. Little things matter. Don’t give up. Expectations are everything. Be the change we want to see in the world. It’s always worth nurturing or creating something. Focus on the positive. And on and on.

Of course, it’s not always that easy to just plant flowers (literally or metaphorically). It’s very easy to get paralyzed by thinking that whatever we do it won’t be enough. I know I get caught up in that. I’m only one person, what can I do? Does it really matter? It reminds me of the story about a storm that has stranded thousands of starfish on the beach. There is a child walking along, picking up the starfish, and throwing them back into the sea, knowing they won’t otherwise survive. An adult walking by says, “There’s so many, you’ll hardly make a difference.” The child pauses for a minute, and then says, “But I’ll make a difference to this one.” In some versions of the story, after hearing the child’s response, the adult also starts throwing starfish back into the sea. Other adults start helping, and eventually they are all saved. I especially like that version!

What I take away from the cartoon is how important it is to do whatever we feel called to do to make the world a better place, whether that is planting flowers, or saving starfish, or registering voters, or helping people do things like plant flowers, save starfish, and register voters! And again, that reminder that no act of kindness or creation, or growth or nurturing, is ever too small for those that receive it.

I hope that 2020 will be wonderful in as many ways as possible for you and your loved ones. Here’s to planting flowers wherever we are, so that we shape the world around us into what we most want it to be.

My passion is helping people plant flowers at work – after all, that’s where we spend so much time. For 2020, I’m excited about merging that passion with what I’ve been experiencing in the Optimize Coach program – yes, that’s the program that got me to do not one, but two Spartan Races this past year!

I’ll be sharing soon about my new group program that will help us all optimize our work, energy, and relationships in 2020 and beyond. And if you know someone who could use some seeds planted at their job right now, please let me know. I would be happy to gift them a Make a Leap Strategy Session so that they can get some things to shift immediately!

P.S. – For those of you who are regular readers of my newsletter, this cartoon and the starfish story may seem familiar. That’s because I originally wrote this in January of 2018. I woke up this morning thinking about the cartoon (unfortunately I don’t know who the cartoonist is), and decided I wanted to update it and share it again! Cheers! And Happy New Year and New Decade!

The Happiest Truck Driver I’ve Ever Met

Dec

2018

kgeil

At my family’s Christmas Day dinner this year, we were joined by my brother-in-law’s brother-in-law (is there an official term for that? I don’t think so!), who is a truck driver and happened to be in the area. I was fascinated by Niko’s story, and most of all by his obvious enthusiasm for his job.

He’s a Bosnian Serb, and spent much of his high school years living without electricity or heat in his war-torn country. He has always wanted to be a truck driver – as a child he had one toy car, and the rest were all toy trucks. He wanted to go right into truck driving after high school, but his parents insisted he go to college. They were hoping that he would get interested in another career track (something more “prestigious,” perhaps?).

But his dream of becoming a truck driver in the United States never wavered. When he received his degree, he took his diploma to his parents, presented it to them, and said, “Now can I drive trucks?” To his parents’ credit, they recognized that no matter how much they might want him to do something else, he wanted to drive trucks – always had, and always would. So they didn’t stand in his way.

Now, he’s achieved his dream – he’s been in the States at least two years, after spending some time in British Columbia. He loves driving, he loves his truck, he loves getting to go all over the country, he loves the adventure of not knowing where he’s going to be sent until he picks up his load, he loves looking out the window of his cab in the mornings and seeing whatever view of nature he has, and all of that enthusiasm literally radiates off of him.

I always admire people who not only know what it is they want to do, but don’t give in to pressure just because those around them – especially the people who love them the most, and no matter how well-intentioned – believe they should do something else. In fact, my dad chose law in large part because he thought it would make his parents proud, and not because it was something he was naturally good at or even really wanted to do. And he paid the price – and so did we.

Regardless of whether or not we’re as clear about what we want to do as Niko, we often allow ourselves to be convinced to do things because they’re practical, or because we think we have to live up to someone else’s expectations. But in my experience, that always backfires at some point. If you really want to do something (or know you really don’t want to do something), that’s your intuition pointing you in the direction you need to go. And we’re always better off listening to it.

This is an especially good time of year to listen to that little voice inside of us, especially if it’s telling us that something in our lives or work isn’t quite right, and even if we don’t know what it is that we want. Because when we start taking steps towards something new, regardless of whether or not we know what it is, paths and possibilities will open up that we never could have imagined.

Start taking those steps through one of my two holiday coaching specials. Don’t delay! They’re only available through December 31st, 2018.

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A Story About Perspective

Nov

2018

kgeil

This story came into my inbox the other day, and I wanted to share it with you (it’s from Marc and Angel Chernoff’s Hack Life blog, which I highly recommend).

So here’s what happened: a client of theirs had run into the grocery store in the morning to pick up two small items. As this man walked to the front of the store, he saw there was only one checkout line open, and there was a woman with a huge cart of groceries and a baby ahead of him. He sighed and got in line, with a sinking feeling that what should have been a quick errand was now going to take much longer.

He got more and more frustrated as the woman and the cashier began chatting, and oohing and aahing over the baby, seemingly unaware that he was also waiting. As he was just about to blow up, he remembered to take a deep breath. He thought to himself, “This isn’t the end of the world. It’s not ideal, but it isn’t the end of the world. And, that baby is actually really cute.” And as he switched his focus to those thoughts, the cashier finished ringing the woman up, and soon she and the baby and all the groceries were on their way.

My picture of a “baby” in a grocery cart!

When he got up to the cashier, he commented, “That baby was really adorable, wasn’t she?” The cashier said, “Thank you, sir.” Then she went on to say, “That’s actually my baby. You see, my husband was killed in Afghanistan, and my sister watches her a few days a week so that I can work here to make ends meet.”

When he heard that, he was so glad that he had remembered to take that deep breath, and consciously shift his focus. As a veteran himself, the last thing he would have wanted to do was disrespect a military family – or any family trying to get by, for that matter.

I love this story because it’s such a powerful reminder of how we ultimately are the ones that determine the experiences we have in life. It would have been very easy for that man to just let his frustrations get the better of him, and whether he blew up at the cashier and the woman with the baby or not, he certainly wouldn’t have done himself any favors – he would have started his morning off in a bad mood, and it likely would have impacted other interactions he had throughout the day.

But, he took the time to check in, to be present, to see what was true about the situation – or more importantly, what he wanted to be true about the situation. Both perspectives could be accurate – that the woman ahead of him was taking too much time and he had a right to be angry and frustrated, or that even though he wished they were moving faster, it wasn’t the end of the world and it gave him the opportunity to appreciate a happy baby.

The important thing is that the choice of how to react was his – it wasn’t up to anyone else, and it was completely in his control.

Marc and Angel frequently say that our mind is our biggest battlefield, and I couldn’t agree more. But while this is both daunting, because it often seems that our minds have a mind of their own (lol!), it’s also reassuring, because with practice, we can get better and better at choosing our perspective rather than just reacting to situations. It puts us back in the driver’s seat, and it’s hugely powerful.

This is what we focused on at the start of my Make Your Job Better group coaching program a couple of weeks ago – choosing the mindset that moves you forward. It’s one of those things that is so simple, yet can be so hard, and is so important to how we experience our jobs and our work lives. And of course, it carries over to all aspects of our lives.

As we move into the busy holiday season, with all of its potential frustrations and things to react to, I hope this story helps you remember that you always have the power to take a deep breath and choose a different perspective.

To watch a video of Marc telling the story and sharing more about what it means, click here (4 minutes).

How Many Hops?

Apr

2018

kgeil

Okay, so I totally stole the title of this Summit Register from a recent post by Seth Godin, which I loved. In fact, here it is in its entirety (emphasis added):

How Many Hops?

Some things, like your next job, might happen as the direct result of one meeting. Here I am, here’s my resume, okay, you’re hired. But most of the time, that’s not the way it works. You meet someone. You do a small project. You write an article. It leads to another meeting. You do a slightly bigger project for someone else. You make a short film. That leads to a speaking gig. Which leads to a consulting contract. And then you get the gig.

How many hops does the ball take before it lands where you’re hoping it will? If you’re walking around with a quid pro quo mindset, giving only enough to get what you need right now, and walking away from anyone or anything that isn’t the destination—not only are you eliminating all the possible multi-hop options, you’re probably not having as much as fun or contributing as much as you could either.

– Seth Godin

Why do I love this so much? Because it speaks to how wonderful it can be when we don’t worry about how we’re going to get to a goal, but rather open ourselves up to wherever the journey takes us. And the journey can often take us to places that we never even knew were possibilities (and wouldn’t have known, if we’d stuck only to the path we envisioned for ourselves). For example, if you’d told me that I’d end up teaching Japanese, getting a PhD in educational psychology, spending my summers in the Tetons, and starting my own coaching business, I would never have believed it. But, here I am! And it all started with some random hops into things that interested me, like studying abroad in Japan in high school.

“How Many Hops” also made me think about how sometimes we get stuck because we’re quite sure that we a) know all the paths that are open to us, and b) know where those paths will lead. But the reality is, we never know for sure where any path can lead, even if we think we can see it clearly. There are usually bends and alcoves and other paths that only become clear to us once we start walking. And sometimes we can be completely blind to paths that are right in front of us. Have you heard of the visual perception exercise that asks people to count the number of times the players wearing white shirts bounce the ball to each other (as opposed to the players in black shirts)? What happens is that people get so focused on the players in the white shirts, that they literally do not see the person in a gorilla suit walking through the middle, pounding her chest. This same thing can happen to us when we get so focused on the path we’re on that we literally cannot see the other paths that are open to us. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to find someone who can help point them out to us.

We can also spend a lot of time and energy wondering and worrying about which path to take, when we don’t yet have enough information to make an informed decision. Again, often what we need is the encouragement to take that first step down one of the paths. It doesn’t matter which one, but as soon as we start down it, we get information that is hugely valuable and that can help us make an informed decision, instead of just worrying and hesitating. That path might be a dead-end, and that’s fine. At least we know! Or, it might lead to something else we’d never thought of. I worked with a client who was wanting to become a teacher. Through our work together he ended up finding a job at a maker museum, which involved teaching kids how to build things. It was a great combination of many of his skills and experiences (he had a background in construction), and I, for one, hadn’t even heard of a maker museum when we started. But the hops he made led him to it. And that’s the beauty of it – you have to get out there and try things, or you won’t know what works – or where you’ll end up!

All of this seems very appropriate, given that we’re a week past the Easter holiday, with its plethora of Peeps and bunny rabbits and other things that hop, and heading into spring. Here’s to embracing the idea of “multi-hops” in our lives, and seeing where they lead us! And if you or someone you know could use some encouragement, I do hope you’ll reach out!